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Forgiving the Unforgivable
By Watchman | September 4, 2008
Then said Jesus, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”
Luke 23:34
Jesus, the only begotten and beloved Son of the Most High God, who had lived a sinless and perfect life; who had healed the sick, cured the deaf and made the blind to see; who had preached salvation and the love of God to a fallen world died an excrutiating, humiliating and ignominious death on a Roman cross. It is possible that few would blame Him had He called down the wrath of heaven upon the heads of those who attended to His crucifixion or upon the temple leaders who had called for His death. Instead, His last words regarding those who put Him to death was a plea that His Father would show mercy to those who in ignorance drove nails into His hands and feet and would soon pierce His side with a spear. Jesus forgave the unforgivable. Is it possible for us to do the same?
Scripture tells us to honor our fathers and our mothers, to love and respect our husbands or wives, to do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse us and pray for those who despitefully use us. But what about the truly unforgivable acts that sometimes are committed? In these last days, as love waxes colder and colder, we are seeing a horrendous upsurge in rape, murder, child abuse and molestation, and domestic violence. Can a daughter who has suffered sexual abuse at the hands of her father, a wife who has suffered beatings from her drunken spouse, a man who spent his childhood at the mercy of an cruel and abusive parent, a teenager who has been brutally assaulted because he owns a jacket someone else covets or a woman attacked as she’s getting into her car after work ever be able to let go of the very natural anger and resentment that fills their hearts? Those who live through these horrors are generally named “survivors” by the popular press and modern psychological thinking. But God doesn’t want us to be survivors, He wants us to be victors! He doesn’t want us to grit our teeth and “just get through it,” but to overcome all the horrible things that may have happened to us and go on to be strong, loving and Godly people.
I’m not going to kid anybody here who may be searching for emotional healing. The wounds from severe abuse run deep and it is the rare person who can heal quickly even with the help from our Lord. But please understand–healing IS possible. Forgiveness is possible. Joy is possible.
So many people who have suffered abuse cannot turn to the Lord because of an underlying feeling (acknowledged or not) that a loving God would not have allowed the abuse to occur. I cannot entirely speak to that, because God has allowed many things to come about that I would have preferred He put a stop to. He could have stopped the 9/11 hijackers from attacking the twin towers. He could have put some kind of obstacle in Timothy McVeigh’s path as he proceded on his way to the bombing in Oklahoma City. He could have struck down Hitler. For that matter, He could have crushed the serpent Satan under His heel in the Garden of Eden before ever Adam and Eve could be enticed by visions of themselves being as gods. He chose not to do so. I suspect the reason is tied up in the gift of free will–freedom to make Godly choices; freedom to make ungodly ones. At any rate, although I cannot say why God allows these horrible tragedies to take place, I can say with certainty that the answer to all the questions beginning ”where was God when…?” is that He was right there loving the victims, hurting with them, and waiting for them to turn to Him for comfort in their distress. Just as He awaits all those who are victims of such abysmal abuse as we see today, desiring that they will turn to Him and allow themselves to be cradled and comforted in His loving embrace.
Modern psychological thought tells us that we have every right not to forgive our abusers. God, however, tells us to “forgive that we might be forgiven.” As I’ve said before, anger and resentment grow at an alarmingly rapid pace, overshadowing our feelings of love and taking us far away from the will of God. When we refuse to consider the power of forgiveness towards those who have wronged us, we open the doors of our hearts to evil. We are told in Ephesians 6:12 that we “wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world…” In striving to forgive we strike a blow against “the rulers of the darkness” who seek to devour our spirits and remove us from the care of our loving Father.
Joyce Meyer, the popular televangelist and author, has many times addressed the consequences of the sexual abuse she suffered as a child. Like most children in the same situation she grew up bitter, controlling and unhappy until she learned of the healing power of Jesus, and His ability to help her learn to let go of the pain of the past. In forgiveness she found peace, and saw her abusive father turn to the Lord before he died. Her story is emotional, but not unique. The Amish community showed a similar understanding of the Lord’s will for us in their public display of forgiveness and reconciliation after Charles Roberts shot to death a group of Amish schoolgirls in October of 2006. Paul learned these lessons as he preached to those who had him beaten and imprisoned and he learned to love his adversaries as Christ also loved them. Less spectacularly but just as surely, people in homes and congregations all over the world have found the freedom God intends for us in showing forgiveness to their enemies: Freedom to love, freedom to laugh, freedom to serve His divine purpose.
A few things to bear in mind as you consider applying the principle of forgiving the unforgivable to your own life:
—Sometimes forgiveness can be a slow process. Begin by praying (even if it is through gritted teeth) for the person who has harmed you. You may not mean it at first, or your prayer may be that he/she not be hit by a Mac truck. If that’s the best you can do in the beginning as a prayer–then pray it! It may take weeks, months or even years, but it is difficult to actively hate someone for whom you pray over a period of time. Pray at the same time that God will take away your anger and resentment, even though the scars may remain.
—Bear in mind that forgiveness is not synonomous with making someone your best friend. For some appreciable time, forgiveness may grow much more quickly if you are not constantly in physical proximity with the person who has wronged you. And, emphatically, for those who have been abused by an unrepentent parent (or a repentent one who has received no help), this does NOT mean you must or should allow your children to be around them unsupervised. Forgiveness does not equate with a lack of common sense. Nor should you put yourself in a position to be further abused!
—Remember that you cannot control what other people do, say or think. You can only control your own reactions to them. Even if you forgive, the one who has wronged you may not be grateful and may try to cause you more heartache. Stay away. Pray for them. Hope the Holy Spirit will one day touch the hardness of their hearts and convict them of sin. Act, but do not react to them. Forgiveness is, to a large extent, between you and God rather than between you and the person involved. If they are unrepentent, forgive anyway.
—Remember that Jesus loves you so much that He died and rose again so that you might live. Remember He is ready and waiting for you to take to Him your anger and pain and hurt and leave it at His feet. He is willing that you should climb into His lap and be comforted.
“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise!” –Jeremiah 17:14
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